Have you ever had the experience of becoming aware of something, or focusing on something for the first time, and suddenly you see it all around you? ? Like last year an out of state visitor commented to me that she had never seen so many "Q's" on license plates in her life as she had while touring Colorado... and then for the next six months I could barely find a license plate without one! (as aside... here is a bonus link that explains that phenomenon). Well.. that's how it's been for me this past month since I chose "Brave" as my word for 2016 and have taken on this intention to live courageously and authentically.
Last month I attended a panel discussion about "Why life matters?" (I know.. deep, right?) One of the many focuses of this discussion was understanding the #blacklivesmatter movement. On the panel were two African American pastors who shared their perspectives on this topic and on why life matters in general, and they were asked by an audience member how the Caucasian community can best convey to the black community that they absolutely DO matter to us! His answer was beautifully simple... and utterly challenging. In short, he responded by saying that we convey that by taking interest... by building relationships.. .by asking questions... by hearing their stories. Because people love to tell their story, and they feel valued when you care enough to ask. In the midst of that conversation, he pointed out that typically, most of us gravitate toward those who are most "like" us, because maybe it feels awkward to engage in a conversation with someone who is different. Then he said, "awkwardness is part of the process," .... and I was profoundly touched by that simple phrase....
Awkwardness is part of the process.....
How much truth is packed into those six words? How well does that sentence define the very heart of bravery... of growth... of building relationships... of change... of almost everything that we love in life? It's awkward to get better at something. It's awkward to speak up when you disagree. It's awkward to expose your heart - whether to a friend or a stranger. But aren't all these things worth the awkwardness and discomfort and struggle to produce the final result? New relationships. New understanding. New abilities. It is awkward being brave...
Then I was perusing TED and I stumbled across this talk:
Hmm... sounds like something I wrote about elsewhere on overcoming fear of failure... so I watched it. Whoa! Some of the best 17 minutes 44 seconds I've spent this year so far... (or I should say best 35 minutes.... because I watched it twice...) Truly.... You MUST watch this talk.
In it, Kathryn Schulz challenges us to step outside of our "bubbles of right-ness" to appreciate the wonders of this world just full of things we are wrong about. She quotes the great St. Augustine who said, "Ferro, ergo sum"... I err, therefore I am human. How is it that we have missed that? How is that we have even been trained.... from kindergarten on... that being wrong is so... well...wrong!? When, in fact, it is at the very essence of our humanity.
I'd never heard of the speaker, Kathryn Schultz so, after her TED talk moved me to tears, I Googled her and learned she's a journalist for the New Yorker magazine who has written three books already! And in her most recent, she has touched on a theme so common to humanity that she spoke at TED 2011 and her talk has been watched in excess of 3 million times! How had I not heard of her? Maybe the universe was waiting for me to choose to focus on being Brave... because for years I've been stuck in the very tension of perfectionism and "rightness" that she talks about. Being wrong was probably one of my greatest fears. Until now....
I share all of this with you because this is MY year of being Brave, and I hope to take more risks and question more assumptions and continue to "put myself out there" no matter how awkward. But I also hope that somehow MY being brave will pave the way for others to be brave, too ... that maybe I could cause a ripple effect where we all take off the armor and risk speaking truth, building relationships, facing conflict, listening, trying something new. Because ultimately it is in the messy awkwardness and the wrongness of our lives that the true beauty, complexity and power lie.
And I'd love to hear your stories of pushing through the awkwardness to find out what's on the other side.
Thanks for reading.
